New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
