So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
