worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
