it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
