My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
