I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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