He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
