you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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