Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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