wakey wakey hands off snakey
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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