I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
