Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
