I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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