please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
