I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He kissed a someone with a penis
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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