The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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