do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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