My brain says no but my pants say off.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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