I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Life is so much better after having sex.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
