Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think my moral compass just broke
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
