Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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