The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
