some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
