You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
