he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
