Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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