noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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