Sry I called you an 8
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
