Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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