Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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