i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Every concussion has its silver lining
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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