I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
