i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
