So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
