I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
