Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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