Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
