I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
