I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
