i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
