I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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