He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
