apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
