i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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