so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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