i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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