update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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