allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
