Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
