Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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