i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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